\u30102010.02.02 \u00a0By Mandy Stadtmiller\u3011<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Who would hire the first legal male hooker in the country?
\nA desperate spinster? A lonely divorcee? A New York Post reporter on undercover assignment?
\nAnswer: All of the above. This month, as Nevada anointed the country\u2019s first-ever legal male prostitute \u2014 in the form of \u201cMarkus,\u201d a 25-year-old beefy ex-Marine \u2014 it became incredibly clear that one thing had to happen immediately.
\nThe Post had to have a go at this gigolo.
\nSEE THE PHOTOS
\nA $500 cash advance, an overnight flight to Vegas and a 2 1\/2-hour car ride later, I arrive at the brothel. I\u2019m sweaty, stinky and pumped from listening to \u201clite-romance\u201d radio. Because truly: Nothing gets you in the mood for a legal male hooker like \u201cWind Beneath My Wings.\u201d
\nAt 3 p.m., I arrive at the appropriately titled Shady Lady Ranch for my two-hour booking (Prices: $200 for 40 minutes, $300 for one hour. And sorry, ladies \u2014 he can\u2019t go back to back \u201cbecause he puts so much into it\u201d).
\nThe scene: mostly dust, sunlight and sadness. That, and the occasional sign about the importance of using latex condoms.
\n\u201cMarkus\u201d (real name: Patrick) greets me in glasses, a satin blue shirt and slacks, and leads me to a bedroom where we sit opposite each other as I fumble for the cash out of my \u201cPrecious Moments\u201d pocketbook.
\n\u201cFirst thing we do is visual inspection,\u201d explains the dorky college dropout who later confesses I am only his second client, he has been with a total of six women in his life, and, to be perfectly honest, he lost his virginity at 23.
\n\u201cSo,\u201d Markus says after leaning over and kissing my knee, \u201cwe\u2019re going to get undressed and then take a shower. Then we can both inspect each other to make sure there are no discrepancies.\u201d
\nMinutes later, as we\u2019re standing naked in the shower, he\u2019s examining me like a second-rate gynecologist and nodding.
\n\u201cYeah,\u201d he murmurs, cooing that I\u2019m \u201cpractically\u201d an 8 or a 9. \u201cEverything looks great down there.\u201d
\nOh. My. God.
\nOver the next two hours, Markus shares his personal bits, too. Originally from Hatton, Ala., he felt abandoned by his mother after his parents divorced at an early age. (This is why, he says, he got into male prostitution, to find the intimacy that he lacked.)
\nIn addition to comparing himself to civil rights pioneer Rosa Parks (\u201cI\u2019m breaking through sexual segregation\u201d), he also identifies with Lady Gaga (\u201cI\u2019m a performer\u201d), van Gogh (\u201cI\u2019m an artist\u201d) and Moby (\u201cI\u2019m an eccentric\u201d). Before becoming America\u2019s first legal \u201cprosti-dude,\u201d Markus dabbled in porn while he lived in Los Angeles but quit after just two scenes because he found it too degrading to women.
\nAlso, he was homeless for a few months before he learned about this fantastic opportunity to become a sex-worker pioneer at Shady Lady.
\nTo explain my visit, I tell him I don\u2019t have much luck with men, watch a lot of porn, want to learn more and would be delighted if he simply \u201cput on a show\u201d for me.
\nNow, to answer the question on your mind: No. I did not sleep with him.
\nIt was like a bad second date. That cost $500.
\n\u201cYou have a beautiful body,\u201d he tells me. He kisses my back. \u201cYou even taste good,\u201d he says. Then he brings out his little \u201ctrick box,\u201d as he calls it, but such is his luck today, he can\u2019t find the lubricant he says is crackerjack for making women climax.
\nNot so fast, Markus.
\n\u201cWhy don\u2019t you give me a massage?\u201d I say.
\nHe says he\u2019s never had an STD and doesn\u2019t worry about getting women pregnant (\u201cbecause you can feel it when a condom breaks\u201d). He repeatedly asks to show me his abilities and flicks out his scarily Gene Simmons-esque tongue which totally turns me off. Who wants a man this eager?
\n\u201cI\u2019m not a hooker,\u201d he says repeatedly. \u201cI\u2019m a surrogate lover.\u201d
\nWhile Merril Bainbridge\u2019s \u201cWhen I Kiss Your Mouth\u201d plays embarrassingly in the background (I did not make out with him), we\u2019re interrupted by the sound of an occasional honk from a peacock roaming outside and, from the lobby, the intermittent sounds of giggling female hookers.
\nHis recently shaved body is quite fit (he works out daily at the brothel, where he lives) and covered in tattoos, including a Chinese character meaning \u201cto seek.\u201d He is 5-foot-9, and, um, very well-endowed.
\nI have so many questions. \u201cDo you use Viagra?\u201d
\n\u201cNo Viagra,\u201d he says. \u201cNo Enzyte.\u201d And he says he doesn\u2019t date outside of work. \u201cI won\u2019t be able to perform.\u201d
\nWhen I ask Markus why he waited so long to have sex (remember: he lost it at 23), he says it\u2019s because \u201cno one wanted me.\u201d
\nHow funny, I observe, that he became a male prostitute.
\n\u201cI think there was a definite plan,\u201d he says.
\n\u201cLike . . . ?\u201d I ask. Yes, he says. Like a divine plan. Destiny.
\nIn case it ever comes up, Markus says he\u2019s learned much of his sexual technique from the \u201cKarma Sutra,\u201d and the reason he\u2019s such a good lover is because he was \u201csensory deprived\u201d by his mother.
\n\u201cI\u2019ve healed people,\u201d he says of his lovemaking ability, which most recently included his first client \u2014 a 45-year-old woman who hadn\u2019t been laid in two years and in Markus\u2019 words \u201cwas wild as a bug.\u201d
\nHe also loves cooking French cuisine. Favorite meal: chicken cordon bleu.
\n\u201cI love being caressed,\u201d he says.
\n\u201cYou know that Chris Rock joke,\u201d I ask him, \u201cabout how all a father wants to do is keep his daughter off the pole? You\u2019re like the male equivalent. All a mom wants to do is keep her kid from becoming a gigolo.\u201d
\nHe laughs. He reveals his fantasy that he would love to be roughed up by a lady cop with her baton. In the hot tub, he says he likes to be spanked and told he\u2019s a bad little boy.
\nAt some point, for comedic effect, I say, \u201cCome to mama.\u201d
\n\u201cI don\u2019t believe in therapy,\u201d he says as he holds my hand in the red heart-shaped whirlpool while he lights the vanilla candles around us. \u201cI think this is therapy.\u201d
\nI ask him again about the Viagra. Because . . . surely?
\n\u201cNo,\u201d he says. \u201cI just have to have attention, you know.
\n\u201cTouch me all you want,\u201d he continues. \u201cYou\u2019re not getting the full experience, I\u2019m telling you.\u201d
\nAs romantic as that sounds, I tell him how much it turns me on to hear about something romantic. He looks genuinely befuddled. \u201cLet me think,\u201d he says. \u201cLike what, like being on a horse ranch?\u201d
\nHe tells me that if you can \u201cpronunciate\u201d words well, it means you are great at pleasuring a woman.
\nHe\u2019s half Irish, a quarter Native American, a quarter Scandinavian and all lover. Favorite book: \u201c1984.\u201d Favorite movie: \u201cBraveheart.\u201d Actor he\u2019s like: \u201cSteve-O.\u201d Musician he\u2019s like: \u201cMoby,\u201d or \u2014 wait for it \u2014 \u201cChoppin\u201d (meaning Chopin).
\n\u201cThe concept of beauty has changed over the years,\u201d he continues. \u201cIt\u2019s like the cave paintings. Venus de Milo. It used to be the voluptuous woman,\u201d he says as he eyes me up and down.
\nHold up, hold up. \u201cDid you just call me fat?\u201d I ask.
\nThen he asks me to spank him.
\n\u201cMaybe you should go to a dominatrix psychologist?\u201d I helpfully suggest. \u201cNo,\u201d he says. \u201cI\u2019m in paradise.\u201d
\nAfter a long talk, a massage and his repeated pleadings to caress him, the two hours are up (he went 10 minutes over but still wanted to give me another massage so I had to call time) and the session ends.
\nAs he escorts me outside, he just wants to know: Did he satisfy me?
\n\u201cUh,\u201d I say, \u201cyeah. Sure.\u201d
\nMarkus starts to walk me to my car and an older man \u2014 Jim Davis, the madam\u2019s husband \u2014 stops him. \u201cYou got your stuff to do,\u201d he reminds him.
\nMarkus has taught me so much. About what a gigolo should never, ever, ever do. \u201cWomen don\u2019t want sex so much as companionship,\u201d he concludes. \u201cWomen can be a prostitute. But not men.\u201d
\nSure, Markus.
\nWhatever gets you through the night.
\nmstadtmiller @nypost.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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