Migo

Stage Fright

     「Therefore, I say to you: We are the ones that  control our lives. Seize our lives; seize our future! 」 There I was, standing in front of over two thousand people, I ended my speech in perfection. Creating history, I was the first in Miaoli who had the chance to compete in the National English Speech Contest.   Pressure there was, nervous I was, but no hesitation or consternation. I had every confidence in my ability to succeed.

     It was like taking a free trip to Kaohsiung. The  scene of the competition was floating with English conversations. Everyone did magnificent on the appointed speech; the pop-quiz story telling was where  the real competition lay. When my turn came to go into the room of Fate, simply by looking at the  picture, I created tons of wonderful and interesting stories. I felt a flush of pride as I was rehearsing  the speech in my head.

     Number fifty-two. That was my cue. I took a deep breath, hid my tummy, and slowly walked on stage with  my head up high. Although I was used to absorbing my audiences』 attention, had this time it didn』t feel  quite the same; I couldn』t figure out why. I had started my story, but the reactions bugged me. I hadn』t even got to the dramatic turning peak of the story, and people were already looking at me wide eyed with surprise. Annoyed by the mocking looks of other contestants, I stopped my speech. I wanted an explanation, and it better be a good one.

     My good gracious! What the lady in the pink mini skirt said earlier that day completely slipped out of my mind. In order for the camera man to get this all on tape, we were supposed to stand on theＸin front of the stage, not on the stage! I totally freaked out.   The two things we call legs, got numb and were ready to collapse any second. I wanted to shoot myself and die. It was so embarrassing. I lunged down stage and finished the lousy story. Everyone applauded, but I knew clearly that it was all out of commiseration.   They might as well send my part on tape to The American』s Funniest Home Video.

    Did the old saying go wrong? You』re supposed to fall from where you succeeded. From then on, I started to shut myself off from the stage. Everything that relates to the stage frightened me. The stage became someplace floating with black smoke and spiders and roaches and all scary disgusting. If I really had to, I would choose to stand on the side of the very edge of the stage. I pick the lines that couldn』t be more noticeable than invisible. I wanted nothing to do with the stage.

     This condition continued forever. I envied those who were performing and getting all the attention. I hated myself murmuring in the audience with opinions and thoughts. I wished to return to the confident sunshine girl I was before, but I chickened at every chance. The nightmare was just unforgettable.

    Finally, my fairy godfather came to change my life.  This summer I went to Thailand on vacation. On the third day we stayed at a fancy hotel called Fantasy.  There was a dining hall with a bar and a piano. That night we had all-you-can-eat there with a man singing with  the piano. Short hippy man in his early forties, I guess, but with the most magnificent voice. I was sitting near the music, concentrating on my buttered lobster. Poof! He suddenly appeared in front of me!  I was pulled on stage in high-speed. Then he asked me in a strange Tai accent, what songs did I know. I was completely clueless. Singing in front of all these people? Are you nuts? I wanted to dash off the stage, but the audiences』 applauses told me that I was doomed to pick up the microphone. So, I sang.   The song that gave my live back—Can』t take my eyes off of you. 「it』s just too good to be true…」 I started like a mosquito flying around the ear,  annoying but noticeable. My hands were shivering, and looking at all those impatient eyes discouraged me even more. 「can』t take my eyes off of you….」 Ok, at least my traveling group was listening. But they were too far away from the piano stage, so I tuned up the mosquito into a hummingbird. Heads turned!   People started to notice my voice, and the frowns slowly turned up side down! They were actually watching me with sparkling eyes and big smiles. 「I love you baby, and if it』s quite all right…」 I was a bang! The hummingbird was now officially a live rock band. I had become the head star; the dining hall turned into my live concert. 「Thank you all!  Thank you! 」 I perfectly ended my song, and did those kiss-byes like celebrities do. Gracefully, I  walked down the stage and the applauses greeted me back to my seat.

     July 5th 2002, I was re-born! The short hippy man thanked me for the twenty Tai tip; I honored him for helping me find my confidence back. I was back on the stage where I belonged. Once again, I am the Sunshine Girl!