After an
innocent, carefree and happy childhood came a blue teenage. In order to
adjust myself as soon as possible to junior high school, I got a haircut
that was so short it looked like the skin head that soldiers had, and I
determined to pay more attention to academic performance rather on physical
appearance. Somehow academic performance became my first priority since the
junior high school was a new stage, a stage to senior high school. Besides,
I had to wear braces, so it』s hard to attract people with sparkling
silver-iron teeth although I surely leave an unforgettable impression. Soon,
I began to be involved in my studies.
With determination, I chose to go to the cram school after class, and
stayed up late 1 or 2 o』clock
every night; that was how I spent my days in the first year. 「Hard work
brings success,」 I learned this English motto for the first time in junior
high, and I also tasted the sweet fruit of success. I could still remember
those proud smiles on my face when I had reached top 3 in school for the
first time and the last.
「I have been given too much responsibility」 this was the excuse I
told my cram school teacher when I asked to take some days off. It was in my
second year, and I was the class leader. The responsibility came mostly from
the expectations I had for myself. I expected myself to be perfect in every
aspect, so the pressure increased. It became so great that I wanted to run
away. More than once, the tears came after every break down from pressure.
I
remembered one night after coming back from cram school, I was exhausted as
usual and suddenly burst into tear, shouted: 「I don』t want to go to the
cram school anymore!」 As soon as my mom heard, she called the cram teacher
and asked her to reduce my works, but the pressure never became less as long
as I stay there. At least, I believed it deep down my heart. I escaped
through my mom』s sympathy, skipping cram class again and again.
Finally, one Sunday morning, another day for cram school, my teacher
was mad at my repeated absence. She demanded that I come to class in an
angry and threatening voice. I was scared and tired of such stupid constant
studies, which brought me so much pressure, and I began to doubt whether I
should go to the senior high or not.
Choosing vocational school occupied my mind because I didn』t want to waste
another three years just to learn the advanced junior knowledge of junior
high school, and I can picked a vocational skill to make my living after I
graduate. But all of this didn』t matter any more. I told my mom I rode to
class but stopped at my elementary school. There I wrote a will and burst
into tears, again….
Standing at the edge of the top floor and looking down, I asked
myself, 」Am I ready?」 Then I jumped and fell. Falling out of the bed, I
woke up in another morning and said to myself: I must be responsible for
whatever I had done. Thinking of my mom and my family, I picked up the
courage to live; in fact, I didn』t have it in me to jump.
So I decided not to go to cram school I used to go, and I made a
promise in my mind, which is not to let my mom worry about such living
thing.
It
was my second year, and I was a liar. I had lied to my cram school teacher
to bust me some time to rest, and convinced my mom to pity her poor and
hard-working son. What』s worse, I lied to myself about the life I almost
gave up. Dealing with the things I couldn』t handle and pressure I
couldn』t bear, in instead of confronting it, I ran away. I had given up
before even trying.
It is again my second year, and I am in college now.
