Shannon 

 A Life Changing Decision

     It was the hardest decision that I have ever made.  No one, even the closest people to me in this world---my family---could hear the deep cries coming from the bottom of my heart for the last few weeks.  Even then, as I stood there with that piece of white paper in my hands, no one would hear the loud ringing and fast panicking heartbeat going on in my head.  It seemed to me that no matter which side I chose in the end, the results were the same.  I would be ready to regret and suffer for not choosing the other.  My eyes blurred as I handed the paper over to a school official.  All I can remember was the gentle hand of my father patting me on the back and the painful crying that followed afterwards.

     The whole event started when I was in my third year of high school.  At that time, there were all kinds of examinations for entering university besides the traditional JCEE.  These tests were usually more beneficial for students who have interest or potential in a certain subject.  It was clear to me that this so-called recommendation exam was better for me, since I was relatively weak in every subject except English.  Therefore, taking the basic exam for each subject and getting an average grade for each one, I started to apply to several universities.  I had many different ways to enter an English department at that time.  There was the recommendation exam, where one student could only choose one department to go to.  For this one, I chose the NKNU, which was very near to my house.  Next, there was the application way, where you simply send your applications to the departments and the teachers pick the best students.  I applied to a few English departments as well.  Last of all, there was the English gifted exam.  This was for students who were talented in English.  I applied for entering this exam too.

     There was a period of busy time afterwards.  I had to attend exams at all the schools I had applied to, which meant a lot of traveling.  While my classmates were all tense with studying for the JCEE, I was taking the big risk of throwing away all my studies and putting all efforts into these exams.  I did so willingly, however, since I knew it would be terrible for me to end up taking the JCEE.  I definitely had no chance of entering a good university through JCEE.  Therefore, I tried hard in all the exams, including written exams and interviews with the professors. 

     Then the incident came.  I probably knew about it beforehand.  However, at that time, I didn』t really care about it.  My determination to enter university through these exams was too strong for me to be cautious about the coming results.  I was putting too much effort and had too much confidence in preparing the exams to pay attention to the rule---students could chose to take only one route between the recommendation exam and the English gifted exam.  Just as I was happily waiting for the recommendation exam results for NKNU, being quite sure I was able to enter the school, I was informed that I could also enter the English gifted exam.  In the beginning, this seemed another piece of good news for me.  However, my heart instantly sank to the bottom when the rule was made clear to me---I had to chose between these two exam routes.  It was a quandary for me.  Making the situation even worse, the results from NKNU wouldn』t arrive for another week.  I couldn』t be perfectly sure of my entering NKNU.  Also, if I attended the English gifted exam, I would have to take a totally different exam and fill in for the schools that were open for English gifted students.  This meant that I had to start all over again, at the beginning line.  It meant that all my former efforts of traveling from taking the recommendation exam and the application exams were just a waste of time.  After trying so hard for the former exams, this was a terrible strike for me. 

I pondered on the results of either decision for weeks.  I felt sick from worrying about it so often.  I knew it was one of those tricky decisions in life, where you just had to take the risk.  However, I was afraid of risks.  Back then, being influenced by everyone, I cared very much about my reputation.  What if the results showed that I could enter NKNU, but I failed in the gifted exam?  It would be like giving up on a good school and entering one with a bad reputation.  I didn』t want to lose face.  Also, I had always wanted to become an English teacher.  Being able to enter NKNU would be a dream come true for me.  On the other hand, how would I know my English level compared to others if I didn』t take the gifted exam?  These questions went around in my head for a long time before the time for making a final decision came at last.

On the night before making the final decision, my father found the chance to speak to me.  Although my mom took care of me mostly in the process of physical growth, my father had been the one who taught me more about growing up mentally.  He was often the one to comfort me when I was frustrated.  I remember he taught me a good lesson that night.  He told me that there were risks in life that one had to take, no matter what.  He said that my situation was already an easy one.  The result would only affect one person---myself.  However, some people had to make decisions that affected numerous people, such as the president of a country.  He had to ponder on all the possible good and bad results caused by his decision.  If he doesn』t make good decisions, the country might be in danger.  My father must have guessed my final decision, because he then said something I would never forget.  He said: 「I know you must be thinking of taking the more steady road.  You are not doing anything wrong.  It』s just that a person should be more courageous in life.  Life is a story full of risks.  If you take them, your life will be very colorful.  If you don』t take any risk, you might regret this when you look back on your life someday in the future.  Also, by taking the risks, you will be able to see your own inner potentials more clearly.」  After my father left, I had a sudden feeling of loss all over again.  However, after a while, I understood my father』s words.  He was clearly relating his words from his own experiences.  He had gone through a lot more than I did.  He was trying to tell me his feelings from his elder perspective.  I felt calmed by my father』s words.  He indeed told me something worth learning in life.

The next day, although I still felt panic about making the decision, I remembered, all the while, the words my father said to me the night before.  I made the decision quick and sharp.  I couldn』t help crying after the decision, because I felt that a piece of me was being taken away.  However, I knew I had made the better decision.  It was clear that I would have to take up the challenge once again.  This time, however, I would be competing with myself.  I would have to try my best and see where I landed in the end.  It wasn』t easy for me to persuade myself to go back into hot boiling water again.  However, with the help of my father, I did and it made me glad to know that I was a courageous person.

      It』s already been a year in university now.  Although I couldn』t say that I never regretted on my decision back then, I still believe it made a better outcome for my life.  Studying far away from home is a life-learning experience for me.  It would have been different if I had stayed near home.  I wouldn』t be as independent as I am now.  I believe becoming independent is important to growing up.  Also, I believe my father』s words back then inspired me much more than I thought.  There are a lot of risks in university as well.  Often, sacrifices have to be made, for example, in dealing between study and club affairs or love relationships.  Facing these problems, I have to make decisions.  These decisions in life aren』t always simple and ordinary.  Due to my university entering experience, I』ve learned how to make more useful and appropriate decisions for myself, thanks to my father』s words.

Making and taking responsibility for one』s own decisions is a way of showing maturity.  When we are still little, our parents take responsibility for us.  However, as we move into adolescence, we have to learn about taking responsibility.  We have to decide for ourselves.  Our parents might still help us, but they can』t make the decisions for us.  From this experience, I gained maturity in deciding for my own future.