外國人都是... Foreigners Are Like That...
Westerners say things and act directly, while we are taught to be indirect as a way to show our politeness. When being treated to a meal, if a Chinese is asked whether he/she is full, the Chinese would always say yes even if he/she is still hungry; because you need to show your satisfaction with such a feast. But when westerners eat, the common question often heard is, “Are you gonna eat that?” They want things, they get it; they make their moves, without hesitation.
Westerners’ directness is a reflection of their confidence and highly valued individualism. Their world is a society in which every individual is encouraged to show his/her own opinions and ambitions. Even in grade school, children might still be peeing and pooping out of a mess, but the learning process in class is already a highly stimulating interaction between teacher and students. With grown-ups, when a westerner is delivering a presentation, he/she reminds the audience how much effort has been put into the presentation, hoping the audience would appreciate the work. In contrast, Chinese always say their presentations are far from perfect and in need of more criticism.
This difference in attitude may be attributed to the fact that the Chinese society has been long framed by patriarchy. Under the authority of the father, we’re taught to be humble and obedient. Under such education, an individual’s feelings and thoughts are easily repressed. When in school, talking is a BIG no-no, silence is a must. Anyone who makes a sound during noontime nap sessions will be reported to the teachers. In class, students are to be lectured on; they have no opinions of their own. This kind of education leaves Chinese timid and indirect when stating their opinions, if they have any.
A teacher of mine from the US, who now lives in a quiet Taiwanese neighborhood, often stays up late at night. One time in the middle of the night, he was in the mood of rearranging his furniture, so he did it. The next morning, his neighbor politely asked him if he usually stayed up late. By bringing up such a question, the neighbor was not necessarily curious about my teacher’s personal life styles, but only to say in a round-about way that she was bothered by the noise. But for the American who was asked a question, what he heard was a friendly note of concern from his neighbor, so he answered the question enthusiastically by talking about how excited he often gets at night, and how he always does a lot of things during that time.
The neighbor’s indirect complaint had no effect on the American, because it did not come across as a complaint. Being not direct enough, the question was never read as a tactful complaint. In that sense, the Chinese way of speech may be graceful and diplomatic, but for the direct-minded westerner, it simply falls on deaf ears.
Westerners say things and act directly, while we are taught to be indirect as a way to show our politeness. When being treated to a meal, if a Chinese is asked whether he/she is full, the Chinese would always say yes even if he/she is still hungry; because you need to show your satisfaction with such a feast. But when westerners eat, the common question often heard is, “Are you gonna eat that?” They want things, they get it; they make their moves, without hesitation.
Westerners’ directness is a reflection of their confidence and highly valued individualism. Their world is a society in which every individual is encouraged to show his/her own opinions and ambitions. Even in grade school, children might still be peeing and pooping out of a mess, but the learning process in class is already a highly stimulating interaction between teacher and students. With grown-ups, when a westerner is delivering a presentation, he/she reminds the audience how much effort has been put into the presentation, hoping the audience would appreciate the work. In contrast, Chinese always say their presentations are far from perfect and in need of more criticism.
This difference in attitude may be attributed to the fact that the Chinese society has been long framed by patriarchy. Under the authority of the father, we’re taught to be humble and obedient. Under such education, an individual’s feelings and thoughts are easily repressed. When in school, talking is a BIG no-no, silence is a must. Anyone who makes a sound during noontime nap sessions will be reported to the teachers. In class, students are to be lectured on; they have no opinions of their own. This kind of education leaves Chinese timid and indirect when stating their opinions, if they have any.
A teacher of mine from the US, who now lives in a quiet Taiwanese neighborhood, often stays up late at night. One time in the middle of the night, he was in the mood of rearranging his furniture, so he did it. The next morning, his neighbor politely asked him if he usually stayed up late. By bringing up such a question, the neighbor was not necessarily curious about my teacher’s personal life styles, but only to say in a round-about way that she was bothered by the noise. But for the American who was asked a question, what he heard was a friendly note of concern from his neighbor, so he answered the question enthusiastically by talking about how excited he often gets at night, and how he always does a lot of things during that time.
The neighbor’s indirect complaint had no effect on the American, because it did not come across as a complaint. Being not direct enough, the question was never read as a tactful complaint. In that sense, the Chinese way of speech may be graceful and diplomatic, but for the direct-minded westerner, it simply falls on deaf ears.