During my third year in junior high school, the hard-working students
were all occupied with preparations for the Senior High School Joint
Entrance Examination. I was no exception, of course. Since elementary
school, I had already made up my mind to be a student at the Provincial
Girls High School in Taichung, because that school is the top high
school around the central region of Taiwan. My teachers and I all
believed that I could make it, considering my good performance in
school; therefore, I devoted myself to this goal. For me personally,
there was another reason I wanted to go to that school: it was the only
chance of living away from my home in Yun Lin and enjoying the freedom
of being independent. The thought of being free filled me with hope and
dream.
Yet, things rarely work out the way we want them to. After the two-day
examination, I knew I lost it. I was too nervous to bring my usual
ability into full play. My score put me only at Wen Hua Senior High
School, which ranked third in the central region of Taiwan. The news
shattered my dream of wearing the green blouse and the black pleated
skirt for the Provincial Girls High School in Taichung.
I
was really upset and blamed myself. I had hoped to go to that number
one school because I wanted to go to Taichung, that great city, away
from home and on my own. And if I had made it in the entrance
examination, my over-protective family would not have any excuse not to
let me go. But now, with only the third highest ranked school, I faced
strong opposition from my mother: 「What? How dare you ask me to let you
study over there? You went outside our county to take the Joint
Examination, but you failed. Don』t you realize it is a shame for our
family? How am I supposed to face my colleagues at school? You
disappointed me!」 My mother was furious with the result. She had
always hoped that I would bring glory and pride to the family by
entering the finest school in the area, but now that I failed the test,
she was not about to let me enter anything less: I should attend the
local high school, Tou Liu Senior High School—as she had always planned
for me.
But
I was not about to give up. I kept on begging her softly and tearfully
everyday. One day when I was home alone, the desire to enter Wen Hua
High School was so strong that I called my mom. 「Please let me go to
Taichung. I really want to study over there. You know that if I stay
in our town, others would mock me, and you know how distressing it could
be.」 I begged her in tears. She replied, 「You knew the sputtering
gossip would hurt badly, but you still did not do your best…」 「I did my
best, I did…why don』t you believe me?」 「You didn』t make your best
efforts. I am busy; I must get back to work. Anyway, you will never go
to Taichung. You have to study at Tou Liu Senior High School!」 She hung
up immediately and mercilessly. I uttered a stifled cry of agony, how
cruel she was!
As
much as I insisted on my decision to the last second, my mother went
ahead and registered me at Tou Liu Senior High School in our town. When
I found out, I said nothing and went quietly to that school. For the
next three years, I worked extremely hard for I know I must make it in
the college entrance exam if I ever wanted to get out of my hometown and
away from my mother』s control over my life. And as god is my witness, I
am now studying at a university quite far away from my home and I feel
utterly free.
From a filial daughter working to win a good reputation to being a
revolutionary and persisting on my own views, I have learned that being
persuaded to let go of something that one truly desires is a bitter
experience. The conflicts between my mother and I have happened
frequently since my childhood. I have tried to communicate with her
peacefully, yet we never quite seem to come to any agreement. As time
goes by, the scars of those mentally and physically exhausting memories
are restored gradually. Now I am taking efforts to shape my own life
according to my own ideals. It is the least I can do to make up for that
upset fifteen-year-old girl, and that heartbroken summer.