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Being Forced to Give It Up

Someday

Shirley

 During everyone』s lifetime, we will meet a lot of things or people and gain various experiences from these contacts.  And there were a lot of things that we need to make decisions on.  At those moments, in the depth of our minds, there would be struggle.  If you choose one, you would lose the other.  Every option suddenly becomes important.  Still, everyone must make a final choice.  Even if we lose something, we can always look forward to gaining it again on another day.

When I was in the last year of my high school education, I became interested in going abroad for further studies.  I wanted to get in touch with other countries』 cultures and things and to see how wonderful the world is.  Although I did not think my ability was good enough to go abroad and study in great colleges, I still wanted to expand my horizon.  At that instant, there was a chance for me to carry out my dream.

Right Before the J.C.E.E, my classmate』s mother told me a piece of news that thrilled me.  There was a Japanese university that was recruiting new students from other countries.  My friend』s mother even gave me an application form and hoped that I could go to Japan with my classmate.  When I learned about the news, I was very glad and wanted to apply to the school.  I thought that was a good chance for me to learn about different cultures and countries.   I showed all of the information to my father and asked for his permission to apply to the university.   I thought that he would agree with my opinion and support me.  But after reading it, he just said 「No,」 and didn』t listen to my opinions.  I was very angry that he didn』t listen to my thoughts and just told me to give up.  What he said shattered my dream and we got into a fierce argument.

When my father turned me down, I took the information to my mother with little hope.  To my surprise, my mother said that I could try and catch the rare chance.  That made me so happy, but unfortunately, my father heard the dialogue between my mother and me.  In anger, he tried to persuade my mom to not let me join the application process.  My mom was persuaded and she told me that my family couldn』t afford the great expenses.  Moreover, she told me that both of them wouldn』t like me to go abroad for my college studies.  That made me so depressed again and I didn』t want to talk with my family any more.  Finally, after a long period of arguments, I yielded to my parents and gave up the chance to apply.  I promised my parents to stay in Taiwan and join the J.C.E.E.  I told my classmate』s mother that I couldn』t go with her daughter.  Later, my friend happily told me that she got the chance to enter that school.  When I heard the news, I was happy for her but felt a little depressed about myself.

Because of this thing, there was a long period of time when I did not communicate with my parents.  And we drifted further apart.  Although we lived in the same house, we seldom talked to each other.  Looking back at those days today, I think I was too impulsive at that time.  I was so childlike that I never thought of the many problems of going abroad.  Actually, going abroad would be an expensive burden for my family』s economics.  And when I really can go abroad, there will be more difficulties.    If I stay, I can also learn what I want to get in Taiwan.  And it doesn』t take a lot of money.   Even though I had given up going abroad at that time, it doesn』t mean that I would give up my dream and ideal.  When I have enough ability to earn money to satisfy myself, I』ll carry out my dream one day.  

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