Parents in our society raise their children according to different
expectations based on the gender of the children. For example, a girl
is always taught how to be a good girl from her childhood--she must
behave properly and keep away from boys as much as she can. Besides,
girls are taught to be shy and take the passive position; they can』t
have too much confidence in themselves and pursue what they really
want. Mother always tell us girls that in order to protect us from harm
mentally and physically, girls would better stay at home frequently.
Physical contact between girls and boys is especially banned.
Compared with girls, most
people tend to think that boys have more freedom to choose what they
want. But it never occurred to them that boys are also under a lot of
constraint. Most parents hope their sons can become manly men. That
is, boys have to learn how to be independent and strong. Because of
their high expectations, parents always pave the road for their son』s
future in advance and hope he can follow their advice. In order to make
their son a so-called successful man, their son must give up some
valuable things in his life, such as love, happiness and dreams. Sons
are taught to be resolute men and take responsibility for everything.
Despite their son』s unwillingness and frustration, parents always say
that they are doing everything because they love their son .
As the movie 「Splendor In the Grass」 shows, Deanie』s mother, a
conservative women, always taught her daughter that virginity is the
most important thing for women, so Deanie must keep distance from Bud,
her lover. And Bud』s father didn』t want them to go together because he
thought that Deanie had poor background and if they were a couple, Bud
would have an uncertain future. Bud』s father took an autocratic
attitude toward Bud. He forced Bud to finish his studies instead of
helping Bud realize his dreams.
Because of such upbringing, the young people were affected by their
parents in relation to their attitudes toward intimate relationships.
In Deanie』s opinion, making love before marriage was a sin. That is, it
would be a shameful thing. Bud was very eager to have sex with Deanie
but she refused his request every time. Deanie knew that Bud must be
feeling very painful so she threw off everything, including her mother』s
words, and tried to become a bad girl—she decided to give Bud her
chastity. To Deanie』s surprise, Bud denied her because he didn』t want
her behavior to be like his sister』s—becoming immoral. In other words,
Deanie was a pure goddess in Bud』s eyes. Finally Bud couldn』t bear this
suffering anymore, so he decided to leave Deanie. Deanie felt so sad
because she didn』t know what mistakes she had made. Being a good girl
was not enough and being a bad girl was unacceptable. She could do
nothing about this dilemma, so she chose to evade reality. It never
occurred to Deanie』s mother that one day her concept would lead to such
tragedy for her daughter.
Is this a typical problem? When a mother brings up a daughter according
to her won mother』s style, this situation becomes a kind of social
stereotype. This condition also happens between a father and his son.
But as time goes by, things must change or else the gap between
generations will become more serious. Such upbringing and training
often lead to tragedies.