English for Practical Purposes—Fall 2002
實用英文

Jo (A210, Tu 2-5 or by appointment)

Ethics--Love at Work

Love at Work


by Michele Marrinan
Monster Contributing Writer

 

Summary

  • Dating at work is a solution for those short on time.

  • You need to be smart to make an office relationship work. 

Katharine Gomez never planned to fall in love at work.

A few weeks into her job as an assistant account executive for Linden Alschuler and Kaplan Inc., a public relations firm in New York City, she began secretly dating 28-year-old vice president Michael Friedman on the sly. Three weeks later, they got engaged and made their romance public. They wed on October 29.

"Everyone was extremely happy for us," says Gomez, 25. "But I'm sure if it didn't work out, anything could have happened." Lucky for them, the firm has no policy against dating coworkers. How could it? Two of the firm's partners are already married to each other.

Dating someone from work is natural for many people. After all, who has time to meet someone when you're working 60 hours or more per week? You may find that understanding your mutual work lives can deepen your relationship. And instead of rushing home each evening, you may be willing to work late, especially if you can do it alongside your beloved.

Despite the upsides, the downsides can be pretty daunting. First, there's no escape if the romance goes sour. You still have to see and interact with that person every day. A failed workplace romance can also hurt your career and reputation. People may view a promotion or raise as favoritism, no matter how much you deserve it. And even if the relationship works out, it can be tough to work with your lover. "You get sick of each other," says Judy Kuriansky, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating.

Whether or not you should date someone at the office isn't a clear-cut issue. It depends on your situation and personality. But if you decide to make the leap, tread carefully.

Make Sure You Can Take the Consequences

"If you decide to wander down that illicit path of meeting somebody in your office, remember to take the good with the bad," says Paul A. Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together, two dating franchises. "The biggest problem about interoffice relationships is that if it doesn't work out, you still have to face that person every single day." Make sure that you can.

Be Smart

You don't want your entire life to be an open book. Before you ask your love interest out for a drink, be certain he isn't the type to share your innermost secrets around the water cooler.

Date Up, Not Down

Dating a subordinate isn't smart. Your relationship could be misconstrued as a power play -- date me, or you won't get that promotion. If things go bad, you could get hit with a lawsuit for sexual harassment even if the relationship was mutual. Some companies require managers to report workplace romances and both parties to sign an agreement stating that they willingly entered the relationship.

Be Discreet

Some people keep workplace romances a secret. That's the route Falzone recommends.

But Kuriansky disagrees. She says that secrets can cause resentment among coworkers. The key is to be discreet. Don't hold closed-door meetings, don't make overt displays of affection in the office and stay focused on work.

Get a Life

It's important that you don't spend every waking hour with your lover and your work. That's not good for any relationship. Pursue other interests together as well as individually. And make sure that you have more in common than your work.

"If you meet someone at work and that's all you have in common, you may find yourself talking about nothing else," says Gomez. "That could be a problem."